Look Out, Jelly Bean 2!
by icancounttopi
Summary: Craig and Reese leave town so that Craig can try to overcome his childhood fear of teacups. Clearly not having learned from last time, Craig stupidly leaves Dewey in charge of caring for his new cat, Jelly Bean 2. This story takes place shortly after the series ended. Rated T for mild swearing. R&R.
1. A Present for Craig

"I'm home, roomie!" beamed Craig Feldspar as he walked through the front door of his house holding a dozen balloons and carrying many heavy paper bags that sported the "Lucky Aide" logo. Craig waddled into the kitchen and set the paper bags down on the table.

Craig's housemate, Reese Wilkerson, sat at the kitchen table with an opened newspaper in front of him. "Craig, how many times do I have to tell you not to call me that?" he asked, keeping his eyes locked on the newspaper.

"I'm sorry, but I keep forgetting!" Craig paused to tie the strings of his balloons to the back of one of the kitchen chairs. He then sat down at the kitchen table. "Don't you want to ask about my day?"

"In a minute," Reese responded, still staring at the newspaper. "I have to keep my focus."

"Why?" asked Craig. "You're not in school anymore, so why do you need to read? I thought you hated reading."

"I'm not reading!" Reese exclaimed. "I'm trying to see the hidden picture!"

"There are hidden pictures in the newspaper now? Like those optical illusions where you can see a picture within a picture if you look closely enough?"

"Yeah," Reese responded. "I've been sitting here for hours trying to figure this one out."

"Oh, I've always been a pro at those," said Craig. "You know, when I was in grade school, I never fell for optical illusions, and I could solve any optical illusion puzzle that was given to me. The kids called me 'Master of Illusion'…well, actually, that was a nickname I gave to myself. And I was the only one that used it. The other kids were still fixated on calling me 'Poopy Pants' because of that incident in the second grade…they could never let that go. Ooh, I wish they would've let that go-"

"Look, that's great and all, but if you don't mind, I'm trying to concentrate on this puzzle. I feel like I'm on the verge of a breakthrough here!"

Craig smiled. "Let me see if I can help you!" Craig rose from his chair and walked over to Reese so he could get a glimpse of the newspaper.

Reese pointed to a Sudoku puzzle. "This one is labeled 'easy,' but that is such a lie: 'easy' means an average guy like me should be able to solve this in maybe ten minutes tops! Who sets these standards? Geniuses like Malcolm? Sorry that not everyone is a genius, stupid picture!"

Before Craig opened his mouth to begin to explain to Reese that a Sudoku puzzle did not contain a hidden picture, the doorbell rang. Reese promptly stopped staring at the Sudoku puzzle. "That's for me!" he exclaimed. He scampered to the front door, nearly kicking over two kitchen chairs and a lamp in the process.

A friendly UPS employee handed Reese a large cardboard box. The UPS employee smiled, "Here's your-"

"Yeah, thanks," Reese said as he quickly shut the door before the UPS employee could finish. Reese ran over to Craig. "Open it! Open it!"

Craig's eyes lit up. "For _me?_" he smiled.

"Yes! Happy work anniversary!"

"Aww, you remembered!" Craig exclaimed.

"How could I not? You've only been talking about this day for the last two months! You've even been talking about it in your sleep!"

"It's true; I do tend to sleep-talk about the things I think about the most." Craig coyly giggled before he paused and started to sweat. "Say, Reese, you haven't heard me say anything about your mother in my sleep, have you? Because I can completely explain that in a non-creepy way-"

"OPEN THE BOX!" Reese shouted.

"Okay, okay," said Craig, as he took the box from Reese, walked to the living room, and sat down on the couch. Reese joined him.

"Before I open this, we need to make sure the whole family is gathered!" said Craig. "Ooh Jelly Bean 2! Jelly Bean 2! Where are you, kitty? Come to your Craiggie-poo, my Jelly Bean 2!"

A fluffy, white cat ran toward the living room from the master bedroom and sat on the floor a few feet from Craig and Reese.

"I still can't believe you gave that cat such a lame name," said Reese. "You should've taken my suggestion and named him 'Reese,' after the one he loves most."

"THAT IS NOT TRUE!" Craig protested. "If I said it once, I've said it a million times: just because he pooped on _your _shoes before mine does _not _mean he loves you most!"

"He was marking his territory! Plus, if you loved him so much, why haven't _you _pooped in his litter box to mark him as yours? I've done that five times so far, so he's mine! Now open your damn present!"

"Fine," Craig huffed, muttering cross words under his breath. He ripped the packaging tape off of the box, shuffled through some packaging peanuts, and pulled out a large, pink, porcelain teapot.

Craig held the teapot to his face. "A teapot?"

"Yeah," Reese responded. "I picked it out myself. I figured that you liked girly stuff, and a teapot is about as girly as it gets without buying you dresses and make up. I did not want to go there! Anyway, I hope you like it."

Craig smiled and nodded hysterically. "I do! I do!" Craig swiftly jumped to his feet, startling Jelly Bean 2 and causing him to run into the kitchen. "I think it's time to make some tea!"

"Good idea," said Reese. "Although, if you want to make tea, you may want to use these." Reese reached into the opened box and pulled out four small teacups from beneath a layer of packaging peanuts.

"_Teacups_?" Craig asked, beginning to feel a pain in his stomach.

"Uh, yeah," Reese responded. "Why would I get you a teapot with no matching teacups?"

Craig stood still, his skin turning pale and his eyes looking distant. "Teacups," he muttered softly. "Tea…cups."

"Uh, are you okay, dude?" Reese asked. "You're starting to look like a zombie. And talk like a zombie. Hey, are you a zombie? Have you been hiding this from me all this time? No fair! I thought we were friends!"

Craig fell to the floor and started crying in the fetal position. Reese rushed to this side. "There, there," said Reese, "it's okay! There are a lot of up sides to being a zombie, you know. Personally, I think the zombies have the upper hand if a zombie-human war ever breaks out. Speaking of which, I need to start putting together a survival kit-"

"No," Craig said. "No, it's not that. I just…just…_teacups_!" Craig sobbed.

"Yes, Craig, you already said that," said Reese. "I know that becoming a zombie means losing your basic English skills, but as long as the zombies have not declared war on humans, you are stuck having to relearn human English until your people take over."

"Reese, I am not a zombie!" Craig explained. "I'm just afraid of teacups."

"What?!" laughed Reese. "That's stupid."

"No, it's not," protested Craig. "I have a perfectly legitimate excuse for my fear."

"Yeah, whatever," laughed Reese.

"I'm telling the truth!" said Craig. "Sit down, and I'll tell you the whole story…"


	2. Craig's Memory

_The lines to go on all the large roller coasters looked to be miles long to eight-year-old Craig. This pleased him. It was his first time visiting Disneyland, and he did not want to ruin the trip by riding one of the large roller coasters and possibly wetting his pants; he also did not want to ruin his trip by riding one of the milder rides and possibly wetting his pants. After all, he had already suffered from both a panic attack and a mild asthma attack on the ferry ride into the theme park, so he feared how his body would react to anything that moved faster than that mild ferry death ride to the park. _

_Craig, a short, stocky young boy with messy brown hair and sporting a Marsha Brady t-shirt, licked a chocolate ice cream cone and stared into the seemingly endless sea of people around him. He looked down at his watch: 4:22 pm. _

_His parents had dropped him off at the park with his teenage brother earlier and told them that the entire family would meet up again at 4:30. Of course, his older brother ditched him the second his parents were out of sight. Something about picking up those chicks who were dressed as princesses. In Craig's opinion, he had a very productive afternoon: he bought expensive ice cream, got into an argument with a pigeon over whether his socks were navy blue or black (it was more of a one-way argument with the pigeon saying nothing), and convinced himself that he had psychic powers that could make grass grow at his command. _

_Of course, all good things must come to an end, so Craig took out his map to the park, stood up, and began his journey to the Storybook Land canal boat station, where his family had agreed to meet after a day of fun. He maneuvered his way through the large crowds of people – which was surprisingly not difficult to do; Craig had decided to give up bathing for a while the previous week, so the crowds parted like the Red Sea as he walked by._

_Craig was the first person in his family to arrive. To pass the time until the rest of his family joined him, Craig looked down at his shoes and imagined his happy place. It was filled with ice cream and kitty cats and matching socks and –_

_"Hey, punk!" chuckled Craig's teenage brother, Pierce. Pierce had brown, curly hair, abnormally large front teeth, and an affinity for dressing in clothes that made him look like a peppermint. "I could smell you from the other side of the park!"_

_Young Craig looked up at his brother. "Well, you would've been able to smell it _better _if you had spent the whole day with me like mom and dad told you to!"_

_"Hah! Spend an entire day at a theme park with _you_?" Pierce scoffed. He took Craig's ice cream cone from his hand and finished it off. "If I spent the whole day with _you_, I wouldn't have gotten to go on any rides."_

_"Okay, sure, I didn't go on any rides, but for your information, I still had LOTS of fun today!" Craig announced. "Also, my socks are navy blue, right? Because this _stupid _pigeon I talked to today said-" _

_"I don't care, Craig," said Pierce. The boys stood in silence for a few minutes until Pierce spoke again. "Say, I think I need to use the bathroom. I might be a while." _

_"Ooh," sang Craig, "someone has a big poopy…!"_

_"Uh…yeah." Pierce pointed towards a nearby collection of large, brightly-colored teacups. "Why don't you sit there and wait for Mom and Dad to come back? Make yourself comfortable!"_

_Craig looked at the teapots. "Why is there a line to get into that sitting area? And why is it fenced off?"_

_"Oh, uh, that's because…" Pierce bit his lip and looked around. "…that's because all those people want to sit in those very special, teacup-shaped chairs. It's a once-in-a-lifetime experience. How often do you see teacup-shaped chairs in your everyday life? Anyway, you should get in line so those other kids don't take the last teacup chair from you. I've got to go now. Bye!" _

_Before Craig could respond, Pierce had already disappeared into the distance. "Those teacups sure are pretty!" Craig exclaimed. "Look at those pinks and purples and yellows! What kind of kid – or man, for that matter? – would pass up an opportunity to sit in one?"_

_Craig noticed that the line to sit in the teacups was moving quickly, so he raced to the back of the line. In under a minute, he had made it into the area with the giant teacups and sat down at a teacup with a little girl. "Hi, I'm Craig," said Craig. "Do you like teacups?"_

_The girl, a petite blonde girl with pigtails who looked to be around Craig's age, replied, "I love when the teacups go FAST!"_

_Craig chuckled. "Silly girl – these teacups aren't real! They're just chairs! And even if they were real teacups, they would not be moving fast. People sip tea very slowly-"_

_"ATTENTION PASSENGERS: PLEASE REMAIN SEATED WHILE THE RIDE IS MOVING. KEEP YOUR ARMS, LEGS, AND PERSONAL BELONGINGS INSIDE THE RIDE AT ALL TIMES."_

_"Ooh, there's an announcement coming on that loud speaker!" Craig beamed. He looked around him. "I wonder what ride that is for…?"_

_The next few minutes were a blur to young Craig. He noticed the teacups around him starting to move, and it took him a few seconds to realize that _his _teacup was moving, too! The girl who shared the teacup with him was giggling – well, it sounded more like a witch's cackle to Craig. The girl had her hands on the wheel, which Craig originally assumed was a table, in the middle of the teacup, and she turned the teacup around and around. _

_The next thing Craig knew, he was leaning over the teacup's edge and vomiting up his ice cream cone, lunch, pre-lunch ice cream cone, pre-pre lunch ice cream cone, breakfast, and pre-breakfast ice cream cone. "NOOO!" screamed Craig, looking down and realizing that the picture of Marsha Brady on his t-shirt now had a vomit mustache and beard._

_"EEEEW!" shrieked the little girl. The sight of Craig's vomit made her sick to her stomach, and she, too, was leaning over the teacup's edge to throw up._

_Two minutes later, the teacup ride had come to a halt. Craig's vomiting had a domino effect on the children on the ride, and by the time the ride stopped, the floor was nearly completely covered in the vomit of twenty different children._

_The children stepped down from their teacups and cried as they made their way toward the exit. Suddenly, the girl who shared a teacup with Craig pointed at him and shouted, "He started it! He was the first to throw up! I saw him! This is all _his _fault!"_

_The other children stopped in their tracks and turned to face Craig. Craig smiled, even though he still felt a little woozy. "Hi," he waved. "I'm Craig!"_

_"Let's get him!" shouted a young boy whose ripped jeans were covered in what appeared to be parts of the eggs that Craig had eaten for breakfast. A large wave of children rushed toward Craig and lifted him in the air. "Wow!" Craig exclaimed. "I guess Mom and Dad were right when they told me I'd make friends some day!"_

_The wave of children dropped Craig into a large puddle of vomit on the ground and surrounded him. Soon afterward, they began yelling at him, pushing him, and calling him names. Craig could not move; he was emotionally numb. He wanted to go home now. He wanted to cuddle with a kitty cat. He wanted to write in his diary about the pretty lilies he saw near the hotel. He wanted to be away from there. He wanted to go the rest of his life without ever seeing another teacup._

"…and since that fateful day, I've been afraid of teacups," said Craig. He looked over and saw Reese asleep on the kitchen floor next to him. Craig tapped Reese's shoulder with his index finger. "Reese? Did you hear me?"

Reese promptly woke up and sat up straight. "Yeah, I think so. Sorry about that; I must have dozed off." Reese yawned and scratched his head. "So _why _are you afraid of teacups again? I fell asleep after you said it was almost 4:30, and you had to meet your parents."

Craig rolled his eyes and sighed. "Okay, fine, I'll tell you this story one more time, but please try to stay awake this time!"

Reese leaned over and rested his head on the tile kitchen floor. "Not a problem, pal," he said as he slowly closed his eyes.


	3. A Job for Dewey

"Are you out of your mind?!" Lois screamed into the telephone receiver as she removed the celery from her grocery bag and slammed it on the kitchen counter. "What in the world would possibly possess you to even ask again? Don't you remember what happened the last time you asked him to watch your cat?" Lois, looking disheveled from her long day at work, had just returned home from grocery shopping following her shift at Lucky Aide and was not pleased to be dealing with Craig once again after dealing with his antics all day at work.

"Well, yes, but that was years ago," Craig responded. "Plus, that was Jelly Bean; this is Jelly Bean _2_ – a completely different cat!"

"Do you really think a different _cat _is going to make a difference?"

"Well, Dewey's a little older now, so I thought that maybe-"

"Hi, mom!" Reese shouted into the phone receiver from behind Craig.

"Yeah, hi, Reese," Lois said before raising her voice again. "I don't even understand why you are going out of town, Craig."

"I need to do this, Lois, and I'm taking Reese with me because I can't do this alone. I need him for moral support. It's a mission that I'm too ashamed to talk about," Craig said, placing his hand to his forehead in shame.

"Craig's afraid of teacups!" Reese laughed into the phone receiver. "Isn't he a freak?"

Craig turned around and coldly glared at Reese. "Watch it," he mouthed. He resumed his phone conversation with Lois. "Lois, I need to do this. I need to be rid of this fear forever! Fear shouldn't hold me down for my entire life! I'm doing it for the sake of my dignity – and for Marsha Brady!"

"Oh-kay…" Lois shook her head. "Well, whatever it is that you're doing, are you _sure _you need Reese to go with you?"

"Hey, yeah, I'm responsible enough to stay at home alone," Reese said to Craig. "I won't have too many parties, and I'll try not to set too many things on fire – on purpose, that is!"

Lois paused. "On second thought, yes, _definitely _take Reese with you. You should start packing his bags tonight!"

"So does this mean that Dewey can watch my cat?" Craig asked.

"I don't know, Craig. It's true that he's a little older now, but he is still the same immature, trouble-making, irresponsible-"

"Who?" Lois turned around and saw Dewey standing in the hallway behind her.

Lois pressed the phone to her shoulder. "Don't you have homework to do?" she barked.

"I'm finished," Dewey responded.

"Go practice your piano or something!" Lois ordered.

"I don't feel like it. I want to eat a snack."

"No snacks right now! Just go to your room!"

Dewey sighed, rolled his eyes, and turned to walk back to his bedroom. He then paused, reached into his pants pocket, and took out a plastic bag that consisted of four chocolate-covered raisins. "It's a good thing these survived the wash cycle three times." He popped all four chocolate-covered raisins into his mouth, disappeared into the bedroom that he shared with his younger brother, Jamie, and closed the door behind him.

Lois lowered her voice and continued talking into the phone. "I will not let him destroy your house again! It was bad enough having the guilt on my conscience the first time that happened, so imagine the guilt I would feel if it happened a _second _time!"

"Lois, Lois, Lois," cooed Craig, "I'm sure everything will be fine. You need to have more faith in your son; he's grown up to be a responsible boy!"

Lois shook her head, "Responsible my-"

"And anyway," Craig interrupted, "I'll only be gone a few days - no worries! I'm sure Dewey's learned his lesson from last time. I trust the little guy. I know he'll do a great job."

Lois sighed. "Okay, fine, I'll let Dewey watch your cat."

"Great!" Craig chuckled. "We're leaving in a few days. Can he start coming over on-?"

"Let me finish, Craig," Lois hissed. "I will let Dewey watch your cat under one condition and one condition only: you must recognize that if anything happens to your house, _I warned you_! If your house is destroyed again, you have nothing to blame but your own stupidity! I am going to be in no way responsible for what happens, and any damage he does is not – I repeat: _not!_ – going to be on my conscience. You will _not _be living at my house again if he destroys your house. Have I made myself clear?"

Craig gulped. "Understood."

"Now, are you _sure_ you still want him to watch your cat?" Lois asked.

"Yes," Craig responded.

"HI AGAIN, MOM!" Reese shouted from behind Craig.

"NOT NOW, REESE!" barked Lois into the phone receiver. "Consider this an oral pact, Craig: no matter what happens, I warned you, so there's no guilt for me!" Lois swiftly hung up the phone.

Craig, sitting on the couch in his living room and still holding the phone, turned to Reese, who was still standing behind him. "Ooh, Reese, your mom sure is something!" he giggled.

"Sure," Reese responded as he plopped down on the couch next to Craig and rested his bare feet on the coffee table in front of him.

* * *

Lois slammed open the door to Dewey and Jamie's bedroom, the room which Dewey once shared with his brothers, Reese and Malcolm. Jamie was sitting on the floor chewing on a sock from Dewey's dirty laundry pile, and Dewey's leg was sticking out the open window.

"Dewey, what the hell do you think you're doing?!" Lois exclaimed.

Dewey turned to his mother and smugly smiled. "I'm still hungry; you wouldn't let me have a snack. Also, don't you knock?"

Lois marched forward, taking the sock from Jamie in her path, and pulled Dewey back into his room. "You're not going anywhere." She motioned him to sit on his bed. "Sit down. I want to talk to you. You can get your snack when I'm finished."

"But I'm hungry now!" Dewey whined, plopping himself onto his bed.

"Now you listen here," said Lois, "Craig and Reese are going out of town, and Craig has _stupidly _asked for you to watch his cat again."

"Wow, that's really surprising," Dewey said, void of emotion. "I'll do it, I guess. Can I have my snack now?"

"Not so fast!" Lois barked. "I know that you are a little bit older than the last time Craig asked you to watch his cat, but I'm not going to risk the disaster that happened last time happening again. You are living at his house while he is away, got it? If you damage the house in any way, you are going to _live _in the house. If you set his house on fire, you are going to _live _in the ashes. If you let any wild animals into his house, you will be living with those animals _and _cleaning up their poop. Every waking moment of the day, you will be living at that house to make sure that the house is maintained the same way you found it and that his cat does not get out."

Dewey scrunched his nose. "Eew, you want me to _live _there while they are gone? Ever since Reese moved in, that place has this horrible stench!"

"Then you will _live _in that stench! I'm not taking any risks; you are monitoring that house every moment they are gone to make sure that cat does _not _get out," said Lois. "Besides, Craig recently inherited a vintage baby grand piano, and if you live there, you can play it whenever you want!"

Dewey's face lit up. "Awesome! Can I go over there now?"

"You have to wait a few more days until they leave," Lois smiled. She stood up and started walking out of the room. She turned to face Dewey, who was still sitting on the bed, grinning. "Don't you want your snack?" Lois asked.

Dewey, now deep in thought about playing the baby grand piano and still smiling, followed his mother into the kitchen.


	4. The Baby Grand's Accident

"Aren't you just so _pwecious_?" cooed Craig, bending over and stroking the long, white locks of Jelly Bean 2's fur with his right hand. Jelly Bean 2 was sitting on top of the couch in the living room. Craig gave the cat a kiss on the head and then turned to face Dewey, whose gaze was fixated on the baby grand piano on the other side of the room. Craig could have sworn that every time he turned to face Dewey in the last few minutes, Dewey was standing slightly farther away from him and slightly closer to the piano.

"I left all of Jelly Bean 2's food in the cabinet over the toaster, and everything is labeled. Now, do you remember the feeding instructions I gave you several years ago when you watched the first Jelly Bean?"

"Nope," Dewey responded, still looking at the piano.

"Forget all of it!" Craig exclaimed, completely ignoring Dewey's response. "This is a different cat, you know, so he is going to have different dietary needs." Craig reached into his pocket, pulled out a large roll of paper, and handed the roll to Dewey.

Dewey took the roll of paper from Craig and stuffed it into his own pocket without opening it.

Craig continued, "Here are Jelly Bean 2's feeding instructions for every meal. Follow them _exactly _as written or else he will become very angry, and believe me, you don't want that." Craig lifted up his shoe, which was chewed at the toe. "That's what happened the last time I gave him two scoops of his dry food for lunch instead of two and a half."

"Okay, gotcha, follow the directions or the cat gets mad," Dewey said. "Can I play the piano now?"

"No!" Reese's head appeared from the bedroom door around the corner. "You can help me carry these heavy suitcases!" Reese emerged from the bedroom carrying a stack of three suitcases in his arms. "There are still a few more in the bedroom. Get them, Dewey!"

"Geez, how long are you guys going to be gone to need _that _many suitcases?" Dewey asked, walking towards the bedroom.

"Only a few days," Craig responded, taking a Lucky Aide baseball cap that was hanging by the door and placing it on his head.

"There are four more suitcases in the bedroom, Dewey. Try to get them all in one trip!" Reese shouted.

"_Four?_!" Dewey exclaimed. "You expect me to carry _four _suitcases in _one _trip?!"

Craig chuckled. "Don't worry, kid, the four suitcases you need to carry are packed with comic books and adult diapers, so they are pretty light." Dewey got the chills just thinking about carrying the adult diapers.

Reese dropped the three suitcases he was carrying onto the back of the baby grand piano. The suitcases landed with a giant thud. Reese noticed that the suitcase on the top was not completely zipped up, as he saw pieces of his various t-shirts sticking out.

"I guess we need to reorganize everything in that suitcase," said Craig.

Reese laughed. "_Reorganize_? You have such lame ideas, Craig. I have a better idea that will save us time! All I need to do is put some weight on the contents of that suitcase."

Reese opened the top suitcase and took a few steps away from the piano, leaving all three suitcases still stacked on top. He then ran as quickly as he could towards the piano and jumped so that the full weight of his body landed on top of the pile of suitcases.

At that exact moment in time, Dewey entered in the living room carrying the four light suitcases. When he saw what Reese was doing, he screamed. "AHHHHHHHH!" Dewey dropped all of his suitcases to the floor and threw his hands into the air.

The moment Dewey's suitcases hit the floor, Reese landed on top of the suitcases stacked onto the piano. Reese's weight added to the weight of the suitcases already stacked onto the piano put a large hole into the back of the piano, and one of the back legs of the piano fell off entirely.

Reese fell to the floor on top of the fallen piano.

"What do you think you're doing?!" Dewey screamed. "Look what you did! How could you do something so idiotic?! I was going to spend my entire time here playing that piano! _We _don't have a piano that nice! We will never have a piano that nice! Not to mention, this was the _one _period of time when I could play in peace and quiet away from mom and dad's yelling and Jamie's crying. Who knows what kind of wonderful concertos I could have written! I probably would have written the pieces that would have made me a star! Now I'm never going to be rich and get my own star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame and move out of this crap hole of a town, and it's all your fault!"

Reese smiled, unscathed by Dewey's outburst. He stood up and brushed some dirt and dust off of his pants. "Seriously, Dewey, just chill out," Reese said. He zipped up the top suitcase. "See?" Reese beamed, turning to Craig. "It worked! Now the suitcase closes all the way!"

Craig stood still with his mouth open and his face pale.

"What are you waiting for?!" Dewey yelled. "Yell at him! Tell him what a complete moron he is!"

Craig shook his head. "No," he said softly, "no, I'm not going to yell at him. Reese is a great guy and a great roommate. I know he didn't do it on purpose."

"Yeah," Reese laughed. "And anyway, if that wimpy piano broke after having that little weight on it, it deserves to be sacrificed for the sake of my suitcase closing! What a piece of garbage! What are pianos good for, anyway?"

"WHAT?!" yelled Dewey. "Doesn't this make you _mad_, Craig? This piano was a _baby grand. _It's expensive! You'll probably never have another one!"

"It's no big deal," Craig responded, the color returning to his face. "I inherited it, so I didn't have to pay any money for it. Plus, neither Reese nor I play the piano, so it was just collecting dust and taking up space."

"Once we get that worthless piano out of the way, we can use that space to make blanket tents!" Reese exclaimed, repeatedly jumping in the air. "Ooh, boy, I can't wait to get back. I bet I can build a better blanket tent than you, Craig!"

"We'll see, wise guy," said Craig. He paused and then continued. "I'll call to have the piano removed so that we will have the space cleared before we get back. You'll remember to open the door for the guy who comes to pick up the piano, right Dewey?"

Dewey stared, motionless, his mouth hanging open. He could feel his palms start to sweat, and he wanted so badly to slap those idiots with a purse – preferably, a purse with a brick inside. He could not believe what he was hearing.

Craig looked down at his watch. "Oh, hey, Reese, we should probably leave now if we want to get to our hotel at a decent hour. Let's load these suitcases into the van." He turned to Dewey. "Take care of my sweet little _pwincess_ kitty!"

"Yep," Dewey responded.

Craig and Reese began lifting suitcases to take them to the car. "Do you have any more questions before I leave?"

"Just one," said Dewey. "Can I give you a _great_, _big_ hug, Craig?"

Reese laughed. "Dewey, you're such a fruit. If we weren't in such a hurry to leave, I'd totally be punching you right now." He turned to the space where the broken piano stood. "Goodbye, piano, and goodbye, space under the piano! I can't wait to start making forts on you when we get home!" Reese took three suitcases and headed out the front door so he could load them in the van.

Dewey, meanwhile, felt very nervous as he approached Craig for his hug. Craig, finding nothing suspicious about the fact that a teenage boy wanted to hug him, mumbled on and on about how if his parents had hugged him more when he was growing up, he would have grown up to be a more stable person and probably would have had a wife and kids by now.

When Dewey and Craig had their arms around each other for the hug, Dewey reached into Craig's pocket, pulled out his wallet, took his credit card, slipped Craig's wallet back into Craig's pocket, and slipped the credit card into his own pocket – the same pocket that contained the feeding instructions for Jelly Bean 2.

"Remember, kid," Craig said, placing his hand on Dewey's shoulder, "anything in this house is yours. Make yourself at home while we're gone. Nothing is off limits for you."

Dewey took a step back and lifted Craig's hand from his shoulder. "Okay, thanks," Dewey said.

* * *

Dewey made himself comfortable on the couch next to the TV and was aimlessly flipping through the channels looking for something to watch. Jelly Bean 2 was curled up in a ball next to him looking at the TV as well.

"How do you put up with living with those idiots all the time?" Dewey asked the cat. Jelly Bean 2 stared at him. "Seriously, I think I'd go crazy if I was you."

Out of the corner of his eye, Dewey spotted Craig and Reese driving away in the van. He knew at that point, the coast was clear. He picked up the large phone book sitting underneath the side table in the living room and searched the yellow pages. Dewey then picked up Craig's landline and dialed a phone number.

"Hi, I'd like to order a baby grand piano. What is the most expensive baby grand you have? … Sure, I'll take that one. Forget about the monthly payments; I'll pay for it all at once. … My name? Craig Feldspar. … Yes, F-E-L-D-S-P-A-R. … Credit card number? Hold on a sec." Dewey reached into his pocket and pulled out Craig's credit card. He slowly read off the number on the front of the card.

He refused to die of boredom while temporarily living in this house.


End file.
